Corporeal
by joedan84
Summary: Willow blames herself for Tara's death. So much so that it's keeping her from moving on. Post-episodic for The Killer In Me.


Started and Finished: January 6, 2003

Last Episode Seen Before Writing: The Killer In Me

Pairing: Willow/Tara, Willow/Kennedy

Rating: PG

Category: Angst

Spoilers: Seeing Red, Villains, The Killer In Me

Summary: Willow blames herself for Tara's death. So much so that it's keeping her from moving on. Post-episodic for The Killer In Me.

Disclaimer: I do not own them!

Author's Note: This is my very first all-Buffy fic. (As opposed to my Buffy X-over.) So, if it sucks, that's why. But I just _had _to write a post-episodic for The Killer In Me. I also don't have a Buffy-beta, only a Smallville-beta.

****

Corporeal

"Willow? Willow, wake up, baby."

"Just a few more minutes, Tara," Willow murmured, rolling over. 

"Wake up, Willow."

Willow sat up quickly. "Tara?!" she asked, her breath becoming ragged.

Tara smiled. "It's me."

"No," Willow said, shaking her head. Her red hair swished around her face. "It's not you. You're the First. Go away."

"I'm not the First, Willow. Trust me."

"You already pretended to be Tara once. Stop doing this to me!" Willow exclaimed.

"If I were the First, could I do this?" Tara asked, leaning in and kissing Willow briefly.

"You're corporeal," Willow pointed out. "It really is you. Well, it's you, but it isn't, or is it?"

Tara smiled again. "I'm only here to talk to you. I've been watching you."

Willow's eyes started to tear up. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to, and then it happened, and then I was Warren, and then with the bad."

Tara put a finger to Willow's lips to silence her. "I'm not worried about that, Will. I'm worried about what you told Kennedy."

Confusion crossed Willow's face. "I don't understand."

"You told Kennedy that you killed me," Tara answered. 

"I did," Willow answered, her voice rising. "Don't you understand? I killed you. I might not have been the one with the gun, but it was my fault."

"Shh," Tara crooned. "You didn't kill me. Warren did. It was Warren, not you. Warren was the one holding the gun."

Willow nodded slightly. "But I lost you," she whispered, lowering her head.

Tara put a finger under Willow's chin, drawing her face back up. "I'm still here, baby. No matter what happens I'll be a part of you, and I'll be watching over you. Joyce is, too."

"Joyce?" Willow asked.

Tara nodded. "Yes."

Willow reached out for Tara, taking her hand. "I missed you," she said, beginning to cry again.

Tara sat on the bed. "I have to talk fast, Willow. I have to go soon."

"No," Willow said, shaking her head. The movement caused some tears to be thrown from her cheeks. "Don't leave me. Not again."

Tara put her hand on Willow's cheek. "It will be okay. You are surrounded by people who love you. Xander, Dawn, Buffy, Kennedy," Tara said with a pause. "Even Spike."

"But they're not you," Willow pointed out.

"No, they're not. You have to face it, Willow. I'm gone, and I'm not coming back."

"You're back now."

The corners of Tara's lips curled slightly. "Yes, but not for long. I really do have to go. I want you to know that it's not your fault. It was time for me to die. I'm not strong enough to survive an apocalypse, and I'm not powerful enough to help out. But you are. They need you, Willow."

"I can't do it, Tara. I can't. I'm too powerful. I'm too scared," Willow admitted to her soul mate.

"Be brave, my darling. I'll always be with you," Tara said, putting a hand over Willow's heart. "I'm in here if you need me."

Willow's tears turned into sobs. "I don't want you in there," she said, pulling Tara's hand away. "I want you out here."

A single tear rolled down Tara's cheek. "I want to be here. I want to be here so bad, but I can't. It's not possible," she said. "It's time for you to move on."

Willow took in a sharp breath. "I'm not ready, baby. Not so soon after… I can't lose you."

"You will never lose me. No matter how many girlfriends you have, I will never be gone," Tara told her. "But I want you to be happy. You can't be happy if you're alone. Go for it, Willow. If you do, you'll see that it's okay. Do you trust me?"

Willow closed her eyes briefly. "I trust you."

"I've seen Kennedy, Willow. She's a good person. She cares for you," Tara told her.

"I know," Willow answered.

"You have to move on. Look, I have to go now," Tara said, standing up.

Willow took her hand. "No! You can't leave me yet. Please not yet," she said desperately.

Tara kissed Willow. "I'm always with you," she whispered into Willow's ear.

A loud knock sounded on the door. "Willow?"

"Bye, baby," Tara said with a sad smile. Willow watched as her figure shimmered, then disappeared. 

"No!" Willow exclaimed. "Come back! Please come back!"

"Willow, what's wrong? I'm coming in."

Willow took an uneven breath, reaching for the tissues on her nightstand.

"Willow, you're crying. What's wrong?" Kennedy asked, moving to sit on the edge of Willow's bed.

Willow looked at the young girl, seeing her differently now. She wiped her eyes, tossing the tissue in the trashcan. "Tar-" Willow started, cutting herself off. She wasn't sure if this was something she wanted to share. "Uhm, nothing. Had a bad dream."

Kennedy gave her a questioning look. "Are you okay?" she asked in concern.

Willow gave her a wan smile. "Yeah, I am now."

"Good. Buffy made breakfast. Let's go eat," Kennedy said, standing.

Willow's smile grew slightly. "Okay," she answered, climbing from the bed. She walked to the vanity, picking up a brush, and running it through her hair as Kennedy walked to the door. She opened the top drawer, revealing a picture of Tara. Kissing her finger she pressed it to Tara's lips. "I love you," she mouthed.

"Coming?" Kennedy asked, turning in the doorway.

"Yeah," Willow answered, shutting the drawer and walking to the door. With a smile she took Kennedy's hand and the two walked together down the hall.

As they walked Willow heard a voice as soft as the wind say, "I love you, too."


End file.
